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"Is it possible for an entire nation to be insane?"

Johnny thought he had made a smooth, clean getaway. The girl had clearly been brought up in some sort of nunnery; he'd never had an easier night. He bragged about it to the others in his regiment, before marching off towards the keep a very satisfied young man.

A few months later, he was in for a big shock. Dragged into a room by two guards with his trousers around his ankles with the impression that someone knew he'd been a rather naughty boy.

"This the one?" said Major Clogson, who was leaning against the wall eating an apple. "The general has told me that there will be a dowry of five hundred crowns, with the army's compliments."
Johnny brightened up slightly when he heard that. Shufti gave him a long and careful look.
"No." she said at last, turning away. "That's not him."

He was amused after he'd got over the shock. He even kept the newspaper clipping as a momento of his lucky escape. And when the war reached a ceasefire, he made his way back home to the cushy, in Borogravian terms, house that he had grown up in.

Good news did not await him.

The years of war had taken their toll, and having been one of three brothers, Johnny suddenly discovered himself very much an only child, and the rightful owner of the family home. But men drop like flies in Borogravia, and he understood his mother's frantic appeals to him that he must find an heir.

Their eyes fell on the iconograph. She'd already given him a stern look when she'd found it, saying he was lucky she hadn't known their surname. His mother looked at it closely, and then slapped him around the face.

"You bloody fool Johnny! She's pregnant with your child."

Johnny is a man on a mission.

In an ironic turn of events, he now has to find Shufti and Jack, marry her and get Jack registered as his son. Otherwise, when he dies, his family will lose everything. The only trouble is, he doesn't know where in Borogravia they are, and he can only search near where the army is heading. Having been promoted to corporal, he's got a lot more responsibility.

Physical appearance
Johnny is tall and good looking, with blonde hair, blue eyes and a gold earring through one ear. And, if you get to know him better, a carbunkle on his bottom. He smokes, usually tobacco, but topping it up with whatever he can find if it runs short. Twigs, pieces of grass, charcoal and, on one occasional unlucky event, a woodlouse. His good diet as a child, a benefit of being slightly better off, means that he is fairly strong in health, however the recent famine in Borogravia has taken its toll. He is muscular, but skinny, with a chronic smoker's cough. In general, it doesn't affect his performance.

Text
"This is normal speech in Morporkian/English/Bar standard language. Johnny is more or less fluent in this, but has a very strong Borogravian accent (like Russian)."

This is thought. Mmm, rat.

"This is speech in Borogravian. It sounds like Russian. This is Johnny's first language."

This is narrative

"This is shouting, army style. THIS IS BELLOWING!"

This text is probably a mistake.



Johnny* is from Monstrous Regiment, and is the property of the fabulous Terry Pratchett. He/she appears here solely for the purpose of role-playing in milliways_bar, from which no profit whatsoever is being made.


(*No surname is given in the book, but for RP purposes it will be 'Private', for the reason that it would have then been sensible for him to be referred to as Private Johnny, rather than Private Private.)

The mun = bigfluffball

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